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Standing Cat

CATS ARE EVOLVING

First Amendment? That's crazy talk!

The print media has had a rough time recently. In addition to massive layoffs and cutbacks for many old stalwarts of the Fourth Estate, the government has been trying to take advantage of our weakness by limiting our ability to distribute content.

This story appeared on page B1 of the Lexington Herald-Leader this morning; the gist is that a Lexington city councilman, Dick DeCamp, took a break from ritually burning copies of the Herald-Leader and murdering kittens (I can only assume) to propose a strict limitation on news racks located downtown.

If I'm reading the article correctly, the new newspaper containers would be confined to five government-sanctioned boxes in 25 government-sanctioned locations. Oh yeah, and the media outlets would have to pay for the new stands. The rationale for this project? Why, public safety and "beautifying" downtown, of course!

Naturally, I couldn't agree more. News racks have always been a immense source of casualties for pedestrians, cyclists and motorists. (I can't even count the number of times I've been injured by a rogue USA Today stand, and who among us can bear to look at "Apartment Finder" boxes after that horrific incident in '89?) Moreover, I've always thought the most beautiful cities are the ones that show no life at all. In the ideal metropolis, everything is standardized and sanitized, slick and sober, government-inspected and -approved. Character? Who needs it?

Needless to say, no valid First Amendment claims are at play here. If we regulate all media the same way, it's content-neutral, and we're in the clear, right? In fact, while we're at it, let's just ban the public sale of newspapers or distribution of any information in loose-bound print form. This would solve all the problems addressed by Mr. DeCamp's propitious proposal, plus a plethora of others. Paper waste in all its forms detracts from the beauty of our nation's cities, and we'd save trees by the truckload (we'd also decimate the danger of death by discarded daily). As long as we ban all printed newspapers, we're totally within constitutional limits. Hey, they can still post and advertise online! Let them have their free speech there!

Bottom line: I know where Mr. DeCamp can stick his proposal, and it ain't in the law books.

[Here's the text of the ordinance in PDF format, and the disclaimer that the Herald-Leader is my current employer. For some reason, they are not fighting any part of the plan except the bit that would require the boxes to be a standard color. Sad to say, but it's weakness like that gives the government the (correct) impression that they can walk all over us. How about a little backbone, people?]

Preseason polls are meaningful. Really.

So the Ivy League football polls came out the other day, and it appears that somehow both Yale and Harvard are picked to win.

All I know is that the last time we went head to head with them for a title, it didn't go so well for us. It's hardly worth mentioning that in 2007 we were also favored to be Ivy champs.

Better luck this year, Bulldogs.