LORD PENGUIN

The Colonel-in-Chief of the Norwegian Army, Nils Olav, has been knighted in a high class ceremony.

Sir Olav is a penguin. Sir Olav, prior to being knighted, has held many ranks within the Norwegian armed forces, including the aforementioned Colonel-in-Chief, having enjoyed a very successful career as an officer in service to the king. Sir Olav, upon being knighted, calmly inspected the 130 guardsmen assembled which are ostensibly under his command.

Sir Olav, at one point during the ceremony, poo'ed on the ground.

Nils Olav is apparently also an imposter of the original Nils Olav, put in place by Norwegian intelligence and the National Zoo to replace the original Nils Olav, who had died years before. Their intent remains shrouded in mystery.

Update: There is now video footage of the procession. I must say that Sir Olav looks to be conducting himself in a manner far more dignified and majestic than a few current heads of state I will not care to name.

Google Challenging Iphone

T-Mobile's first onboard for development of smartphones running Google's Android mobile OS. The platform is being made available for free to a large number of service providers, and sports a featureset that, by all accounts, surpasses that of Apple's proprietary offerings. Open third party development is possible using a set of Java libraries in the free Android SDK, and allows for complete replacement of virtually every aspect of the default application stack (for example, the dialers), with third party apps. This is the perfect storm of brand name power, features, and standardization that will make for a true Iphone killer.



It's great to know I'll soon be able get a high-end phone without feeling like I'm supporting terrorism, well, at least not supporting it any more than I already am. *looks at Ipod.

Writing so bad it could make baby Jesus cry

I love these contests that encourage people to be the worst at something. Here's one from San Jose State University that gives a cash prize to whoever writes the vilest opening sentence to an imaginary novel. It's called the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, after the author of the 1830 novel that actually begins "It was a dark and stormy night..."

Here are some notable 2008 entries as listed in a brief in the Herald-Leader, starting with the winner:

Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."
—Garrison Spik

"Toads of glory, slugs of joy," sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.
—Alex Hall

Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater - love touches you, and marks you forever.
—Beth Fand Incollingo

In case you're a literary masochist (and not the kind who reads Finnegans Wake for fun), here's the full results page.

Coffee for 'mericans

Dave Beckham (yeah, ironic, isn't it) and his wife Jill have opened up a conservative coffee shop in Indiana. I could comment on the article, but one should look at the quotes for themselves; they make Chevy commercials sound like NPR. The place is bedecked with Ann Coulter books, posters of Reagan and of course, a bunch of Fox TV's (btw, I wonder if all those Fox viewers know that Murdoch keeps a bust of Lenin in his study).

To drive the point home, the place is named, quite simply, "Conservative Cafe."

I must admit, sometimes I think I'm fed up with "liberal bullshit." Just getting a whiff of what the other side has to offer though, like this here little shop of good 'ol fashioned 'merican values, is always a sobering and welcome reminder of why I'll always be out in left field.

Enthusiastic supporter sprains Cindy McCain's wrist

McCain's age isn't an issue, right? I mean he isn't so old he'll get sick or easily break a bone or anything, right? Guys am I right?

His wife apparently isn't so durable.

Intel Develops Remote "Power On"

The "Power On" part is in quotes because their new Remote Wake technology can bring a computer out of hibernation, sleep, or any number of other standby modes remotely through a packet, but still requires some sort of axillary power supply to be on.

Still, it's a bit scary knowing that basically the only way to be completely safe from someone turning on your machine in the middle of the night and using it to bring down the Georgian foreign ministry's website (actually happened, btw, to every Georgian domain name site) is to physically disable your Internet connection, power off your machine and drain out any backup power sources.

That, or get a mac, which in my eyes, is pretty much doing the same thing.

Rescue Dragon

It's here to rescue you. I swear...

Standing Cat

CATS ARE EVOLVING

First Amendment? That's crazy talk!

The print media has had a rough time recently. In addition to massive layoffs and cutbacks for many old stalwarts of the Fourth Estate, the government has been trying to take advantage of our weakness by limiting our ability to distribute content.

This story appeared on page B1 of the Lexington Herald-Leader this morning; the gist is that a Lexington city councilman, Dick DeCamp, took a break from ritually burning copies of the Herald-Leader and murdering kittens (I can only assume) to propose a strict limitation on news racks located downtown.

If I'm reading the article correctly, the new newspaper containers would be confined to five government-sanctioned boxes in 25 government-sanctioned locations. Oh yeah, and the media outlets would have to pay for the new stands. The rationale for this project? Why, public safety and "beautifying" downtown, of course!

Naturally, I couldn't agree more. News racks have always been a immense source of casualties for pedestrians, cyclists and motorists. (I can't even count the number of times I've been injured by a rogue USA Today stand, and who among us can bear to look at "Apartment Finder" boxes after that horrific incident in '89?) Moreover, I've always thought the most beautiful cities are the ones that show no life at all. In the ideal metropolis, everything is standardized and sanitized, slick and sober, government-inspected and -approved. Character? Who needs it?

Needless to say, no valid First Amendment claims are at play here. If we regulate all media the same way, it's content-neutral, and we're in the clear, right? In fact, while we're at it, let's just ban the public sale of newspapers or distribution of any information in loose-bound print form. This would solve all the problems addressed by Mr. DeCamp's propitious proposal, plus a plethora of others. Paper waste in all its forms detracts from the beauty of our nation's cities, and we'd save trees by the truckload (we'd also decimate the danger of death by discarded daily). As long as we ban all printed newspapers, we're totally within constitutional limits. Hey, they can still post and advertise online! Let them have their free speech there!

Bottom line: I know where Mr. DeCamp can stick his proposal, and it ain't in the law books.

[Here's the text of the ordinance in PDF format, and the disclaimer that the Herald-Leader is my current employer. For some reason, they are not fighting any part of the plan except the bit that would require the boxes to be a standard color. Sad to say, but it's weakness like that gives the government the (correct) impression that they can walk all over us. How about a little backbone, people?]

Preseason polls are meaningful. Really.

So the Ivy League football polls came out the other day, and it appears that somehow both Yale and Harvard are picked to win.

All I know is that the last time we went head to head with them for a title, it didn't go so well for us. It's hardly worth mentioning that in 2007 we were also favored to be Ivy champs.

Better luck this year, Bulldogs.